Yesterday, a group of coworkers and I got into a heated debate about relationship protocol.
I was of the mindset that it’s completely normal to have a significant other ask to go through your phone. It’s happened to me many times, in fact. I’ve never asked to go through a boyfriend’s phone (social media is another story). But I have been asked to unlock my phone so they can just take a peek at my iMessages on numerous occasions.
We tossed the concept to the fine readers of the Daily Caller in an Instagram poll. A whopping 25% of readers agreed that it’s “normal behavior” for a boyfriend to ask to see their girlfriend’s phone.
Allow me to explain why.
Did I find it a little weird when I was first asked to unlock my phone? You can bet your sweet bippy. The first time a boyfriend asked to see my phone I nearly locked myself in a stall of the dorm room bathroom. Not because I was worried he would find my correspondences with other male suitors, but because I have other incriminating stuff in there.
What if he found my music history? Was I ready to explain why I listened to a 45 minute loop of “Hey Ya?” Absolutely not. Was I prepared to explain that embarrassing photo of me in fourth grade, when I went through a phase of wearing nothing but mens t-shirts and Teva sandals? Hell no. And did I have an excuse for why I was in a three year poke-war on Facebook with some random person I met at a Mock Trial conference in 11th grade? Don’t bet on it.
But you know what? I let my former boyfriends look through my phone because I’m all about self-love. If he can’t handle me as a fourth grader in an XXL Flyers shirt, he certainly wouldn’t be able to handle me as an adult with an affinity for a few Vodka cranberries on the weekend. So I let him look. Considered it a gift, really.
Now, my coworkers might call this “concerning” and “paranoid behavior.” They told me it would “set me up for failure” and “make me crazy for future relationships.” But all of this is nonsense. You see, I’m an established 24-year-old now. I’ve had a few relationships and we’ve shared a few laughs about how it didn’t work out. I’m far better off now, knowing what to expect in a future relationship. I know how to dodge all the right questions, where all the hidden folders are, and what doors slam the loudest. I’m all the better for it.
Follow Jena on Twitter.