Frustrated with a bracket success rate mirroring his job approval numbers, President Obama is turning to a familiar tactic to improve his performance in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament challenge – executive orders.
White House sources indicate that later this evening, the president will declare the Wisconsin Badgers and Michigan State Spartans removed from the Final Four. Upon signing the order, both Wildcat teams from Arizona and Villanova will take their respective slots.
The move will ultimately restore Obama’s Final Four selections, made for ESPN prior to the tournament.
Press Secretary Josh Earnest told reporters this morning that, “Much as Wisconsin has weakened labor unions, the Badgers have weakened the president’s brackets.”
Kentucky fans were mixed in their emotions regarding the news.
Rand Paul, Senator from Kentucky said, “It’s time we secure the border into the Final Four.”
“Kentucky will likely defeat whoever is placed in front of them on the court, but is it really fair to allow Arizona to effectively jump the border and enter the contest illegally?”
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) dismissed Paul, urging the public to ignore his comments.
“It’s always these wacko birds that get the media megaphone,” he claimed.
Perhaps the biggest prize for the president will be the re-insertion of Villanova into the Final Four, a team he had chosen to reach the championship game. Surprisingly however, top-seeded Villanova fell in the second round to NC State.
In a brief moment as he headed to a White House breakfast earlier this week, President Obama was asked about his picks, specifically the disappointing loss of Villanova.
“Look, they had a terrible shooting night,” he said. “It could happen to anyone.”
“Let me be clear,” he told another reporter. “If I’d have known the entire team wasn’t going to show up that night — that their shooting was going to desert them — I’d have at least traded a few Taliban members to get it back.”
Predictably, not everyone is keen on the president’s plan to put Villanova back in the tournament.
Republican presidential candidate, Ted Cruz, in particular raised some questions about Wildcat junior guard Dylan Ennis.
“He’s from Ontario,” Cruz said. “I mean, it’s Canada. Is he even eligible to play in America?”
Cruz did indicate he’d be willing to support the plan should Obama put Stephen F. Austin, a Texas university, back into the field instead of Duke.
Longtime college basketball analyst Dick Vitale was reportedly inconsolable at the thought of Duke being removed.
For her part, House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi, urged members of Congress to support the president’s decision.
“He should issue his order, then we can find out who’s in the Final Four away from the fog of controversy,” Pelosi said.
Former First Lady Hillary Clinton declined comment on the resident’s latest move. She did however indicate that she has no idea how her own brackets are faring.
“I submitted them through my personal e-mail and now nobody knows who I picked,” she admitted.
Newly retiring Senator Harry Reid said he supports Obama’s efforts to change the Final Four, but admitted he had not filled out brackets himself.
“I can’t work a treadmill, you expect me to know anything about sports?” he asked.
If recent polling is any indicator, the president’s latest executive actions will not gain him any popularity points. When asked how people felt regarding Villanova being placed back in the Final Four, a staggering 99 percent of all non-Pennsylvanian Americans opposed the move.
Perhaps still stinging from political defeats in the 2014 midterms and Benjamin Netanyahu’s re-election, President Obama seems determined to win at something.
“It’s not for a lack of respect for the Wisconsin’s or the Michigan State’s of the world,” he said.
He added, “This is more about a redistribution of success.”
“They’re great teams, yes, but they didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen.”
Rusty Weiss is a long-time political analyst and Editor of the New York political blog, The Mental Recession. His work has appeared at the Daily Caller, FreedomWorks, Fox News, and he currently writes for The Political Insider and Headline Politics.