This Thanksgiving, America is facing a free speech crisis, and there’s only one man who can stop it.
The U.S. has produced some of the greatest studs in world history. George Washington, Abe Lincoln and John Daly, to name a few. But one man is a cut above these legends, in terms of raw intellectual horsepower, steely nerve and his influence on the country’s destiny: the uncle who voted for Trump in 2016 and 2020, and isn’t afraid to let people know it. (RELATED: Annoying Drunk Women Are Triggering Surge In Stadium Brawls. Send In The Troops)
Yes, Uncle Jimbo, cooking on Jim Beam.
An unsung legend, Jimbo spends 364 days of the year toiling in the shadows, perhaps working an unsexy sales job in a Midwest region, or a thankless profession, say, plumbing. He looks forward to Sunday Night Football, saving up for a new Fender Strat and stealing away hours in the DIY beat lab that his wife loathes with a burning passion. Like the FAA bureaucrat who suggested commercial airlines lock the cockpit door, he gets no credit — except on Thanksgiving. That needs to change.
We all have an uncle who ends up drinking one too many bourbons while frying the turkey out back. By 2 o’clock, his brain is soaked with booze, but he still oozes wit at dinner time, unafraid to drop John Kennedy-esque bon mots on blue-haired nieces like GPS-guided Hellfire missiles. (RELATED: Several NFL Teams Have Absurdly Expensive Beer, And There Is Only One Man To Blame)
When said niece, who’s almost finished with her first semester at Barnard, brings up Donald Trump…
NIECE: “Trump and his family are corrupt, and his supporters are unable to see that because it’s all a cult of personality, just like other dictators throughout history who were able to manipulate the masses with disinformation. TBH, I know it’s cliche, but America today is giving Nazi Germany.”
UNCLE JIMBO: “Ya think Sleepy Joe and Hunter are any better, taking all that money from the ChiComs?”
Vaccines…
NIECE: “I just got my seventh booster shot. Low-key, I kinda miss Dr. Fauci and masks, like I didn’t have to put on makeup or anything.”
UNCLE JIMBO: “Bahhh-bahhh. Sheeeeepleeee!”
Or the definition of “woke”…
NIECE: “Republicans can’t explain why being woke is so bad, let alone give a coherent definition of the term.”
UNCLE JIMBO: “Go take a look at yaself in the mirror, that’s what woke is. Go take a look at yaself in the mirror.”
… Uncle Jimbo salts the earth. He does not care what Grandma Josephine thinks, nor how his hangover will feel Black Friday morning. He lets the Jim Beam flow, and in turn, the First Amendment is stronger for it. There’s a reason why liberals hate him just as the Athenians despised Socrates 3,000 years ago: he tells the truth.
So this Thanksgiving (and every other day of the year), when that uncle of yours is pouring another triple-finger or cracking open his third beer in an hour, let it happen. Let him rise to the occasion. Let him cook. Better yet, encourage him. Laugh when he inevitably cracks an Epstein-Clinton joke. Whisper in his ear when he’s getting some fresh air on the back deck after an explosive argument with your Aunt Cheryl: “I’m unvaxxed … Trump ’24 … You’re my hero.”
