Chuck off, Schumer.
The Senate Majority Leader has finally gone too far with some egregious remarks about Zyn, the smokeless nicotine pouches that have been fueling top Alpha performances throughout the U.S., whether it’s in the office, on the 9th fairway, or in the bedroom, for years. The product recently saw a spike in sales due to, among other reasons, its Viagra-like quality, which was first discovered by Daily Caller co-founder Tucker Carlzyn. (RELATED: Tucker Carlson Reveals The One Substance That Can Save American Men In The Bedroom, And It Rhymes With Sin)
On Sunday, Schumer called for a federal crackdown on Zyn, claiming the product is highly addictive and stunts brain development in teen users. Here’s the longtime anti-nicotine tyrant at the presser, flanked by his super serious-looking Big Pharma foot soldier:
So … let’s get this straight … The same nimrod who condones creepy doctors transing kids and pumping them full of Adderall and Zoloft is suddenly concerned about drugs doing irreparable harm to adolescents? But of course!
Schumer himself is no paragon of health and vitality — he looks like a week-old schlump of pastrami slowly rotting in a deli on the Upper West Side — so it’s no surprise that, of all the Democrats to launch this salvo against the fit and beautiful Lords and Ladies of Zynbabwe, he’d be the one to do it. (RELATED: Forget MLK: America’s Real Civil Rights Icon Deserves Federal Holiday, Just Not For The Reasons You Think)
It may also be that Schumer, who appears to have a Freudian obsession with inciting erections, is afraid to appear soft on Big Tobacco, or is a tad jealous of the young lads popping Zynchinos and saving the West from its fertility crisis, such as the Daily Caller’s own Grayson Quay. (RELATED: John Daly’s Breakfast Of Champions Proves There’s Still Alphas Kicking In Biden’s America)
A recently anointed Zynbabwe Lord, Quay has vowed to stand against Schumer’s tyrannical plot by slotting upper deckies in front of the Gadsden Flag any chance he gets. Even on a random Tuesday in January. Quay also happens to have a special message for Freudian Chuck:
Hear, hear!
Quay, along with this columnist, will continue the rezynstance. We call on all Zynbabwe legends, from Tucker Carlzyn to Freezer Tarps, Coconut Willy to Ty Guy, to fight for our way of life:
We shall Zyn on to the end. We shall Zyn in Zynbabwe, we shall Zyn at the parties and in the offices, we shall Zyn on the baseball diamonds, we shall Zyn on the fairways. We shall never surrender.
And, with all due respect Senator, Go Chuck yourself.