Editorial

WTF Is Going On With Kate Middleton?!

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(Photo by HENRY NICHOLLS / AFP) (Photo by HENRY NICHOLLS/AFP via Getty Images)

Kay Smythe News and Commentary Writer
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Alright, guys, it’s time we do a proper round-up of what the heck is going on with Princess of Wales Kate Middleton, who seemingly disappeared from Earth in 2024.

It all started in January when Kensington Palace announced that Middleton was in the hospital recovering from a “planned abdominal surgery.” Said surgery was apparently successful but demanded Middleton stay in hospital for as many as 10 days to two full weeks. The palace said at the time that it was unlikely the Princess would return to her duties until after Easter, but the internet isn’t buying a word of it.

LONDON, ENGLAND: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge during a State Banquet at Buckingham Palace on October 23, 2018 in London, United Kingdom. King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands accompanied by Queen Maxima are staying at Buckingham Palace during their two day stay in the UK. The last State Visit from the Netherlands was by Queen Beatrix and Prince Claus in 1982. (Photo by John Stillwell – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

LONDON, ENGLAND: Catherine, Princess of Wales looks on following Marketa Vondrousova of Czech Republic’s victory in the Women’s Singles Final against Ons Jabeur of Tunisia on day thirteen of The Championships Wimbledon 2023 at All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 15, 2023 in London, England. (Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge arrives at St Andrew’s Cathedral for Easter Sunday Service on April 20, 2014 in Sydney, Australia. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are on a three-week tour of Australia and New Zealand, the first official trip overseas with their son, Prince George of Cambridge. (Photo by Brendon Thorne/Getty Images)

Even with images of Middleton circulating online, most people can take one look at them and start asking questions about their authenticity. Middleton ended up taking the blame for posting a really badly edited photograph of her and her children, which only made the situation that much worse.

Then a video came out that claimed to show Middleton and Prince William going for a walk at a supermarket (as if the Royal Family would do this without it being a big media spectacle) and apparently no one could get close enough to grab a clear shot. And Middleton wasn’t willing to take a selfie during the trip to quell the chaos and conspiracies that she’s literally in hiding … or worse.

But do you really think this is her? She looks taller and a lot thinner, if so. Some say the woman in the video is her lookalike, but that might just be Internet rumors, TMZ reported.

All of the above plus no official update from the Royal Family has everyone asking: where is Kate Middleton? And I want to know WTF is going on with her.

Apparently people think that the Princess is in an “induced coma,” particularly as her senior staff has no idea where she is, Mint reported. In fact, only King Charles III and Queen Camilla have reportedly visited the Palace since Middleton went MIA. (RELATED: Prince Harry Reportedly Says Drugs Helped Him Find ‘The Truth’)

KINGSTON, JAMAICA: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge attends a dinner hosted by the Governor General of Jamaica at King’s House on March 23, 2022 in Kingston, Jamaica. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are visiting Belize, Jamaica and The Bahamas on behalf of Her Majesty The Queen on the occasion of the Platinum Jubilee. The 8 day tour takes place between Saturday 19th March and Saturday 26th March and is their first joint official overseas tour since the onset of COVID-19 in 2020. (Photo by Toby Melville – Pool/Getty Images)

NORFOLK, UNITED KINGDOM : Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge applies hand sanitizer during a visit to Queen Elizabeth Hospital in King’s Lynn as part of the NHS birthday celebrations on July 5, 2020 in Norfolk, England. Sunday marks the 72nd anniversary of the formation of the National Health Service (NHS). The UK has hailed its NHS for the work they have done during the Covid-19 pandemic. (Photo by Joe Giddens – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

The rumor that makes the most sense to me is that Middleton is not using her phone while she wanders the beautiful gardens at her literal palace of a home. With King Charles’ recent cancer diagnosis, she might be spending the time embracing her last moments of privacy. When she becomes Queen, Middleton’s every move will be documented and scrutinized even worse than today. And if Charles is actually a lot more unwell than the public is aware, the time of Middleton’s reign might be fast approaching.

Most people seem to think it is impossible to disappear without going into literal hiding or dying. They’d be wrong. All you have to do is stop using things like social media and live in a massive house and you can completely detach from the hysterically chaotic reality of modern life.

LONDON, ENGLAND: Catherine, Princess of Wales attends King Charles III’s Coronation Garden Party at Buckingham Palace on May 9, 2023 in London, England. (Photo by Jonathan Brady – WPA Pool/Getty Images)

BAHAMAS: Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge attends a reception hosted by the Governor-General of the Bahamas, Cornelius A. Smith, on day seven of the Platinum Jubilee Royal Tour of the Caribbean on March 25, 2022 at the Baha Mar Resort in Nassau, Bahamas. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are visiting Belize, Jamaica, and The Bahamas on their week-long tour. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

LONDON, ENGLAND: Catherine, Princess of Wales is seen during day two of The Championships Wimbledon 2023 at All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club on July 04, 2023 in London, England. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

Even so, France’s AFP news agency recently announced that Kensington Palace was no longer a “trusted source” of information, a significant threat to the Royal Family, Mint reported. It’s long been acknowledged in Britain that it is only due to the good graces of the press that the Royals haven’t faced massive public backlash for their absurdly expensive lifestyles during moments of macro-social decline.

For now, it looks like we’ll have to wait until Easter Sunday for another update. If Middleton doesn’t make an appearance, then one of three things is true.

First: She’s in hiding for an extremely messed up reason, possibly something to do with rumors surrounding Prince William’s alleged affair with British socialite Lady Rose Hanbury (a rumor she’s denied, according to Town & Country).

Second: The worst. Let’s not go there.

Or Third:

To be quite honest, if it is the last option … I wouldn’t be surprised. This is 2024, after all. Anything is possible.